Sex and the University ~ the blog

Vanity is a strange thing, it walks the line between confidence and arrogance and more often than not it tends to find itself veering towards the latter. I think vanity in and of itself is a hard thing to define...Nietzche wrote that "vanity is the fear of appearing original: it is thus a lack of pride, but not necessarily a lack of originality" and I tend to disagree. I think that true vanity is a mixture of extreme confidence and tempered arrogance. We all have to be a little arrogant because the society in which we live (and I'm referring to North America here) is not one in which the meek are rewarded. In this sense vanity could be defined as a tool, used to defend ourselves against those who would have us, in a sense, diminished.
I am for the most part a confident person, I like who I am and I like how I look. I will also freely acknowledge that I wouldn't kick myself out of bed even if I covered it with crumbs due to my penchant for crumpets... does this make me vain? I think not, I think it simply demonstrates my confidence in myself... or so I intend to believe. As my friend M told me today, she enjoys looking at herself naked, is there anything so wrong in that?

Of course, where vanity matters the most is in the bedroom. If your partner is self-centered then he or she is less likely to try and help you enjoy yourself. I mean, if I was truly vain I would dispense entirely with men and self-pleasure instead. Luckily for mankind I have not quite reached this point yet.

So, next week is Valentine's Day. Inevitably, thousands of blogs and columns will be filled with pieces either celebrating a romantic holiday or decrying a materialistic, arbitrary, hypocritical day. It's becoming harder and harder to write on topics like Valentine's Day or even the topic of this blog, sex. Sex is, to no one's surprise, probably one of the most universal experiences in humanity. Coupled to the fact that it is infinitely interesting to read about, the two most talked about subjects in modern discourse must indeed be sex and death.

So, with all this historical pressure on me, what I am to write about Valentine's Day? Should I be popularly counterculture and decide that Valentine's Day is a rosy day created by capitalism to fuel our desire to prove our intangible worth through materialistic means, ie. candies, chocolates, bears, lingerie, etc? Or should I take a traditional route and try to convince everyone to embrace this holiday for what it is, namely, an excuse to spend time with one's partner in a day historically created just for loved ones? Either way is infinitely unsatisfying and vacuous. Espousing either point of view just seems to be a pointless exercise in the literary equivalent of masturbation. Yet, how to stand on both sides? Or, better yet, neither side?

I still have no idea what I'm going to do for Valentine's Day. My girlfriend seems to just want to keep it simple and go to a movie and then have a fancy dinner. That's a little boring. I just want to hang out, essentially ignoring the holiday. That's a lot clichéd. Perhaps I'll take her out to dinner for the hell of it, given that we haven't really been on a date in forever. That would be nice. But then there's the question of the gift...what to get her? Candy? No, I'll eat it before I get to her house. A bear? Why? I'd sooner get her a puma...but where am I going to find a stuffed puma? Flowers? No way, they'll die in the cold on my way over, or they'll die within a week at her place. A card? Nope, I'm not going to allow other people to tell someone how I feel about them. I think this is where the crux of the holiday lies - either people aren't creative enough to tell their boyfriend/girlfriend how they feel, so they use this holiday as a thinly-veiled excuse to let someone else profess their love, or people are too indignant that other people can so aptly describe their "most personal feelings," and, moreover, that these feelings are perfectly transposable to any other person in the world.

This is where the genius for Valentine's Day really lies - in the assumption that humans are empty vessels originally, clean slates, yet they've all been impressed with the same stamp by culture. Thus, your unique feeling is not really unique at all, but a carefully calculated response to whatever text is available, already encoded into the message, already taken care of. Hallmark doesn't care that you found "the love of your life"; instead, they know that their unabashedly cute card will still fit the bill, whether it's your soulmate or someone you'll dump in a week, just to not seem like too much of a bastard for doing it during Valentine's Day.

Seemingly, there is no solution to Valentine's Day - every nuance has been taken care of, every angle has been covered. Even the most zealous of rebels or the most zealous of pundits, take your pick, there's no difference, will still feel different on Valentine's Day. No one will wake up the 22nd of March and say "You know what, I totally missed Valentine's Day this year - totally flew right over my head." Valentine's Day is not just another day, in this year's case, not just another Wednesday - we've deemed it long ago that this day halfway through February would be different. So, next week, be different.

I've always stared with envy at small-breasted women. Dress doesn’t work with a bra? No worries! They're still perky and cute as hell. Industrial-strength sports bra? No need! Amsterdam seems to be testing those who can endure unsupported jiggling for all sexes with the introduction of ‘Naked Sunday’ at Fitworld gym.

The gym’s owner, Patrick de Man, was inspired by two of his customers who are ardent nudists as well as other gyms that offer ‘pole-dancing’ as an activity.

Nudist exercisers are required to place towels on weight machines and use disposable seat covers for riding bicycles. de Man assured all that the machines will be disinfected afterward as is the usual procedure.

"We recently conducted a large survey among our members, and most prefer to exercise with their clothes on," he said. "The most popular activities (for nudists) are things you do outdoors, like walking on the beach, or swimming in a lake, or maybe gardening."

I’m self-conscious enough at the gym as is, so having everything exposed to God and Country might not be my cup of tea. For those who enjoy the sight of flesh, sweat, and straining, the inaugural ‘Naked Sunday’ is set for March 4th.


Link.

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Starbucks has never really appealed to me, but I’m told that in the region around Seattle (the powerhouse coffee chain’s birthplace and a city known for its high levels of coffee consumption) customers not only bastardize the Italian language to indicate cup size but use a special “Starbucks-lingo” to order their drinks. For example, if someone asks for a wet latte with legs what they mean is a latte high on milk, low on foam, to-go. However, due to the new crop of “sexpresso” coffee shops springing up in the same area, ordering a mug of java might never be the same again – but rest assured that it will still come with legs….and a large cup size.

Sexpresso kiosques are a new twist on the drive-thru window, with scantily clad baristas winking mischievously at clients as they hand out morning cups o’ joe. The girls who work the counters are often seen sporting tanks and hot pants (à la Hooters), lingerie, bikinis, or fetish outfits depending on the day’s theme (a popular choice is the schoolgirl look).

It’s certainly not a new idea to use sex to sell, particularly in the food and service industry. Bosomy waitresses, servers, and barmaids have repeatedly profited from their, uh, assets, and let us not forget the tradition - and now stereotype - of the attractive flight attendant. Having flirtatious sexpots brew coffee pots is just adding flavour to the fierce caffeine-competition in and around Seattle, with an added perk for the men. However, these sexpresso chains may be onto something new that could give Starbucks a run for their money: coffee and sex appeal partnered together as the ultimate (full-body) wake-up in the early morning.

check out the seattle times and some of the coffee shops natte latte, cowgirls expresso

Being an innately shy person naturally I wasn’t going to blog about this particular event. BUT this magazine is all about pushing yours and my sexual borders and so I shall tackle a rather embarrassing topic for myself. I am a cute person, with a pretty face and great legs… I wear short skirts and tight trousers to demonstrate this to the best of my ability. Because of this “confidence” (or vanity, call it what you like) I am not used to people, teasingly or otherwise, requesting that I hide my best assets under a heavy layer of clothing. So, when the guy with whom I would currently very much like to sleep with suggested I wear something akin to a pair of men’s trousers when I go to bed with him I was bemused. And then I questioned why he would like me to dress like a man, and then I called my best friends… all 10 of them.

Hence it was during one of these many phone calls that ate away at both my Friday and Saturday study hours that I made the following self-discovery; I am not as open-minded about role-play as I thought I was. I don’t know if this stems from the fact that my own sexual fantasies involve locations and not dress-up or if I’m just exceedingly uncomfortable with this aspect of sex. Mayhap it was the actual costume itself that threw me off. I understand schoolgirl outfits (again, I love my legs) and I understand naughty nurses, maids etc. so why was it that I simply could not grasp the fascination with baggy trousers with nothing worn under them.

I’m not even capable of fathoming this interest… perhaps it’s this rough and tumble like outfit that really gets him going. Perhaps it is the idea of a girl seeming sort of unkempt and untamed on the outside and obliging and ingratiating on the inside. I don’t really know, honestly… although I do think I’m nearing the truth here.

What I realised halfway through conversation with best-friend number 6 was that it wasn’t even the costume itself that through me, it was this idea that I was just going to show up in a uniform when I wished to sleep with him. Listen, buddy, the first time I sleep with you is not going to involve me in a pair of men’s dungarees. The first time I sleep with you is going to be MAGICAL (okay, maybe not so much) but it will be for the most part unplanned. I hate the presumptuousness that would be me showing up in a predetermined outfit when I felt the need to have sex with him. I’m not being paid and so I’m not wearing a bloody uniform!

And so, finally when I had reached this firm conclusion somewhere between conversations with best-friends number 6 and number 9 best-friend number 10 made this insightful comment; “The first time you have sex with someone is best done without planning and without assumptions on either side. Also, Jehan-sweety just be happy he didn’t ask you to wear a diaper and baby costume.”

She’s right, atleast when it comes to what I desire, a little bit of impulsiveness goes a long way. Indeed I am also quite grateful that he didn’t request the baby outfit, it’s all a bit too Freudian for me. I am not saying I won’t dress up for him, I will… I enjoy it. I’m just going to wait a bit before I tackle androgynous clothing in the bedroom… everything needs to be worked up to. Or maybe I just need to redefine what I think "sexy" is.

As a guy, I instinctively know that when girls join sororities, their initiation must include some variety of lingerie-laden pillow fights. I mean, you see them on television, read about it in magazines...it's become a popular myth alongside perpetual sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll during first year residence. Thanks to the guys who are in charge of encoding and disseminating culture, we see girls, especially in early years at university, as the avant-garde movement within sexual exploration. Ironically enough, these girls always explore within the same set of restrictions, namely homosexual and masturbatory endeavors.

What strikes me the most about women being in charge of exploring something as amorphous as one's sexuality. In popular culture lore, it is often the men who go out into the public sphere and conquer new and foreign territories, while women are the ones who stay within the same private sphere, keeping it tidy for the exploring man to come home to. Examples of male explorers are plentiful - actually, off the top of my head, I can't think of a single female explorer, except for the saucy sorority gals.

So, what does this mean for men who enjoy pontificating about the goodness of sorority exploration? Well, in a sense, it just ends up agreeing with Green Day's frontman, Billy Joe, when he said that, deep down, we're all bisexuals, and it is only heteronormative cultural processes that make us dig foxy girls. This is evident throughout closer analysis of the Pillow Fight scene, so prevalent in popular lore and fantasy. As men, we enjoy this scene because we identify with the women in it, though at a safe distance. Much like we identify with the Final Girl in horror movies, and through her, are able to satiate our masochistic tendencies (who wants to watch a killer beat on a guy? That's just weird...), we are able to play out our deeply homoerotic fantasies by watching women beat on each other with pillows in skimpy bras and panties. In addition, should the exploration and experimentation go well, it is not men who are being gay. Popular culture would never allow for two phalluses to touch - however, were to women to touch, we can just chalk it up to penis-envy. So, if women are allowed to touch, and more importantly, feel good because they are touching in "new" ways, it is culturally ok. It is only through women that men can explore their homoerotic instincts.

Since the 1950’s when women were allowed to frequent bars without a male escort the lesbian community has grown in prominence and become more widely accepted. At the time, the typical lesbian couple consisted of a clearly identified butch with a femme counterpart, essentially mimicking a heterosexual couple in matters of dress, actions, and customs.
This trend has slowly started to die out as we try to rid society of such rigid stereotypes, and lesbians today identify as everything from butch, to sorority sister, to suburban housewife. Why is it then, in this seemingly more enlightened world that some members of the lesbian community condemn their predecessors as sell-outs?
A recent article in the New York Times raises the issue of “butch” lesbians who opt to transition into males, thereby identifying as straight. This trend has not been met with great support in the lesbian community that feels that by “crossing over” you are betraying your lesbian identity. Some have even gone as far as to raise the question of whether or not someone who transitions was ever really a lesbian to begin with. The criticism however is not only reserved for butch lesbians who transition to straight males; their femme counterparts have also been accused of not being truly gay if they are attracted to a masculine persona.
In a community that has struggled for acceptance for so long it is unfortunate that some of their harshest criticisms are coming from within, is selling out really such a bad thing if everybody gets off?

No, this isn’t about prostitution. A study by women's rag Company and Durex condoms discovered that 3 in 10 men would rather roll in riches than roll in the hay. 30% of the British men taking the survey confessed that they would give up sex for life if paid $2 million…with 1% pledging the celibacy oath if offered a lifetime supply of alcohol. The study fails to mention whether “no sex” would include masturbation or not, a factor that would clearly influence the upshot of the commitment.

Surprisingly, these results contradict another study recently undertaken, with research showing that sex makes people happier than money does. Economists David Blachflower and Andrew Oswald found sex to be a strong determinant of happiness; just increasing sex from once a month to once a week produces the same effects as gaining $50 000!

It then seems odd that some men would pick money over sex, but I think the choice is largely personal. Who wouldn’t pick money if they’re not getting any (anyways), or if their past experience has been, well, dry? Which leads me to the question: cash or ass?

I mean it as a compliment when I say that The Guide To Getting It On! is the ultimate coffee table book. While it doesn't have glossy, full-page photographs or even the requisite hard cover, everyone wants to flip through it. Even when inconspicuously placed on a bookshelf, my visitors can't help but be drawn to its cheerful, neon-green lettered spine. They tend to pick a chapter – say, "Orgasms, Sunsets and Hand Grenades" – and sit for the next twenty minutes, pausing occasionally to laugh or read out a particularly fascinating excerpt.

The best little sex guide in the whole wide world?

Its refreshing premise is that "humour is the sexual lubricant for the soul", and although Joannides' writing might be too glib for some (in his "Gnarly sex germ" chapter, he asks, "Do you really believe that the cute fraternity guy you are about to go to bed with is going to say, 'Oh, by the way, I'm totally low-risk except for that little butt-fucking incident last month with the captain of the wrestling team'?"), he does take pains to be accurate and instructive. Rather than selling you sex secrets guaranteed to drive your partner wild, his point is that you need to work hard at communication (verbal or physical) and learn to approach each partner with different expectations.

One major flaw is that it is heavily biased towards heterosexual couples, and there is often the implicit assumption that the reader is in a committed relationship, or wants to be. It's clearly marketed towards the demographic of straight college students and young professionals (if the title doesn't make it obvious, the fact that Urban Outfitters stocked it certainly should), and only discusses issues of race, poverty and culture in passing. The decision to relegate same-sex relations to a separate chapter instead of taking a wholly inclusive approach also seems to imply that queer people belong in a distinct category, along with bondage freaks and men who ejaculate prematurely.

This isn't to say that it completely fails to think outside of the box – the "Sex when you are horny and disabled" chapter is a great start, and left-wing soccer moms might find the "Explaining Sex to Kids" section useful. I understand the need for brevity – as it is, the guide clocks in at 854 pages – but surely hot topics like abortion deserve more than two pages. Then again, this might be a bit much to expect from a coffee table book; after all, it is a fun, mostly insightful look at sex, which definitely beats worn issues of People and Cosmopolitan.

The Guide To Getting It On! is available on Amazon.ca ($17.33) and Indigo Chapters ($18.15).

Sex in Antiquity No one can say with certainty just when people started having sex, but it stands to reason that it must have been quite early-on. A more interesting question might be, ‘when did we start jerking-off?’ To answer that question, one need look no further than the woman who first discovered that she didn’t need to have sex every time her partner grew a stiff one.
Little is known of this important historical figure; her name might have been Eve, or possibly Lilith. This Eve or Lilith (Lil Eve?) appears to have been the first woman to discover that withholding sex from her partner could be a useful and productive tactic. Scholarly sources suggest that it is here, in ancient antiquity, that the term ‘pussy-power’ finds its origins. According to the same sources, the first act of this original ‘liberated woman’ was to demand that her mate, before he could go anywhere near her ass, “Go and pick me one of them apples!”
Of course, upon passing her the apple, he proceeded to flip her over and ‘give her the banana’ as a bonus. Nevertheless, Lil’ Eve’s experiment constituted a roaring success for womankind; gender relations would never be the same.

Further Along in Antiquity It wasn’t long before men realized that, if they were going to get any pussy at all, they were going to have to work for it. Suddenly, with everyone ‘working for it’, a sort of competition-based culture began to emerge. For more information on this ‘competitive sexuality’, look for my forthcoming article, ‘Jay’s History of Warfare’.
It wasn’t all about fighting for it, though. Men quickly understood that being the last man standing (“If I were the last man on earth and you were the last woman, then would you…?”) wasn’t the only pre-requisite to getting laid. He learned that, while ‘getting some’ was one thing, ‘getting more’ posed greater challenges. For example, if his performance was lacking, not only would his woman refuse to fuck him, but she would invariably tell her friends about his sexual ineptness, thereby hurting his chances at getting laid outside his cave or hovel.
This ‘kiss and tell’ strategy employed by the industrious women of antiquity gave rise to many new challenges for sexually inept men. Eventually, these challenges birthed a whole new way of life. For more information on these unfortunate souls, see my forthcoming article called “The History of the Nomadic Tribes.” It is a harrowing tale of lackluster sex, boredom and anguish; don’t miss it!
Luckily, not all men were as quick to despair as were the ‘nomads’. In fact, a large number of men decided that they should instead stick it out and adapt to the new sexual climate. This resulted in the birth of two new great movements: ‘The Search for the Female Orgasm’ and ‘The Golden Age of Homosexuality’. Stay tuned for more exciting history…


© 2007 Jay M. Smith

Did I ever think I would ever be in a situation like this one?No.
Did I ever think I could?No.
But I did.
I spent ten months(uh, and four days) in, most likely, the oddest relationship I could have ever imagined.
I "came out"(ok, I was never really "in" the closet: I basically told all my friends I was gay the moment I realized it!) about four years ago and due to my extremely shy side(or so I think), I spent the first three years being single. One day in November I hooked up with one of my good friends. It was great and marvellous and wonderful but only one thought came to me: "Uh, isn't she married?"
So this is how it started. I began going to her place five times a week and soon enough, my girlfriend's husband also hooked up with a girl friend. It was the four of us. We brought in a second twin matress in their room and made it as cozy as possible for all of us.
I know it must sound weird, all of this, but after a couple months, it stopped being bizarre or out of the ordinary. Waking up to people having sex beside me became a regular occurence and making out with my girlfriend in front of her husband became totally normal.
To answer your question, no, we didnt all have sex with eachother; we were like three couples. There were some times when the husband was there but all the attention was directed towards the girlfriend(hello, I'm gay!).
It worked really well for a while--way longer than I could have dreamed of--but at some point it had to fizzle. The husband was totally infatuated by the other girl and my girl didn't want to hurt her husband the way she was hurting her. Then there was me, in love with my girlfriend who was forcing herself not to love me. Sure, it hurt, but I understood. My "goal" was never to break them up and I knew my girlfriend was feeling hurt by her husband. Nevertheless, I had to think about my mental health and on a rainy day in november, I broke up with her. It was terribly hard for the both of us--all of us, really--but it had to be done. We cried and hugged and slept together one last time. After that we talked on the phone but I made a point of not seeing her for at least two weeks to kind of try to get her out of my mind. The thing is, I always knew we were going to stay good friends because this wasn't a normal breakup: I didn't break up with her because I was sick of her or I hated her. I did it because I loved her too much and it hurt too much. She was well aware of it so she gave me the time I needed. She was wonderfully understanding.

It's been three months since we are no longer together and things are still great, maybe even greater than before. I go chill with them(the ex and the husband--the other girl got herself a "real" boyfriend) at least once a week and have occasionnal booty calls; just enough to keep ourselves satisfied without actually going back to "that place".

So that's the story of the four of us--or a small fraction of it anyway.

The ‘City that Never Sleeps’ just got one more reason to keep playing. New York City’s Mayor Bloomberg is about to reveal the city's own "NYC" brand of free condoms.

"The condom packets will be modeled after the New York City subway system. Every foil will have a color," said Carol Carozza, spokeswoman for Ansell, the firm producing the NYC condoms and also the parent firm of LifeStyles condoms.

"Brands work, and people use branded items more than they use non branded items, whether it's a cola or a medicine even," Health Commissioner Thomas Frieden said, "Brands add value and they increase use."

The city distributes 1.5 million free condoms each month adding up to about 18 million a year. This allows hundreds of organizations the opportunity to receive free condoms that they then distribute at various locations such as health clinics, advocacy groups, bars, nightclubs and even prisons.

According to health officials, New York negotiated a deal with the maker of the LifeStyles brand for 4 cents per condom, putting the expense to the city at just $720,000 annually.

When you’re the AIDS capital of the United States, I suppose it only makes sense that you would sponsor an opportunity for free lovin’ to all.

I love music. Spending five minutes around me will make that painfully obvious. I love my iPod simply because it does what it does - provides my entire library at my disposal whenever my capricious nature craves it, which basically means that I am always plugged in to something. This proposes an obvious problem when engaging in more intimate activities, where I may be plugged into a more organic form. I have yet to meet a girl that would let me have sex while I listen to my own earphones. That's not to say that they don't want to listen to music while doing it; what's more, they too agree that it often creates a mood way better than any combination of flowers, incense, candles or lingerie. The right song can turn a faltering moment into a touching orgasm, or it can just as easily turn the best sex of your life into a cheesy, third rate porn knock-off.

Yet, in spite of the endless possibilities of a shared musical experience, I really just want to listen through my earphones - at least once. I have spent a lot of time and money in turning my little white box of joy into something that is both high-fidelity and intimate. For instance, my earphones attenuate the world around me by various decibels, to the point where I can't hear any extraneous noise when in my own personal world; all I hear is my personal playlist with beautiful clarity. This kind of perfect intimacy is what I want to transpose into the sexual realm, and, so far, have failed miserably. Also, my musical tastes, as restricted as they may be, are mine alone, and what sets the mood for me may not set the mood for my partner.

When goofing around the internet one day, I happened to stumble across the answer to all my prayers. This little toy is nothing if not a miracle. It basically allows me to listen to my own music while avoiding the pitfalls of stereotypical male selfishness, so prevalent in the minds of hyper-sensitive post-feminists who believe that sex is more a chore than a pleasure. Well, get ready to have your panties blown right off. This combination headphones/vibrator is just what everyone who likes music really needs. The guy (or girl really, let's not draw gendered lines - we've got attachments galore here) can listen to his favourite music while the attachment vibrates pleasurably, keeping up with the tempo of whatever the iPod happens to be channeling.

Now, I have yet to personally try this; it's a little out of my very limited student budget for something which may have limited approval under the sheets. Plus, I can just hear my girlfriend now: I know I'm going to get distracted from one aesthetic beauty just to look at another, admittedly smaller, thing of beauty, as I decide which track to play next, you know, all in the name of providing a pleasurable experience.

If anyone else here is involved... nope.. oops.. i meant in LOVE (hehe) with Scarlett Johansson, here's a link that will most likely occupy you for many hours, days even. Just make sure no one's around ;)

http://www.kontraband.com/show/show.asp?ID=5198&rtn=index-topten

At the turn of the first millennium Lady Godiva rode naked through the streets of Coventry to demonstrate the sincerity of her convictions; namely that her husband Leofric, the earl of Mercia, was overtaxing his peasants. In an act of defiance, she demonstrated that her body, stripped of all modern coverings was a powerful socio-political tool. Lady Godiva, strikingly beautiful and confident, is rumoured to have caused the first voyeur (aptly named Tom) to become instantly blind and in certain extreme cases of the legend die on the spot, so overcome is he with the intoxicating loveliness of her naked body as she rode astride her horse through the town square.

While this is perhaps not the first case of nudity being used to further subversive political views, it is certainly one of the widest circulated legends on the matter. What’s especially interesting to note is that Lady Godiva is by no means presented in a promiscuous light, or even a particularly sexual one (remember that this is the early 1000s and thus this is quite an event onto itself). To a certain extent she stripped her body of its sexuality while using it as a political vessel. What I mean to say is that Lady Godiva’s act of contrition was one in which her role as a woman and her sexuality came secondary to her beliefs (although, the blind Tom might argue this point, having lost quite an important sense at her unwitting hands… or breasts).

I love the idea of nudity and sexuality as a form of political protest. Stripping down for a cause is daring, original and extremely effective. The animal right’s activist group PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) has more that once demonstrated it’s willingness to “bare skin rather than wear skin” and whether or not you agree with them and their occasionally aggressive tactics you have to admit that when Pamela Anderson goes topless in front of a store-front you sit up and take notice. PETA takes sexuality as a form of protest one step further in their “State of the Union Undress” in which a radiant young woman outlines PETA’s past and present goals while slowly removing her clothing until she stands, wonderfully naked, in front of the camera. All this goes to prove that nudity and intelligence do not necessarily have to cancel each other out.

In case you go looking for PETA’s “State of the Union Undress” you won’t find it on YouTube, it was banned due to the nudity. Also, just so you know directly after she gets naked you see a bunch of injured animals, so if that's not your thing you might want to skip that.
P.S. note the old men cheering her on


Watch more PETA videos at PETATV.com.

According to a study by M.I.T., the first name of a person has a large influence on their perceived sexiness. The attraction associated with names is said to be determined by the vowel sound - so before you go changing your name to popular strippers’ personae like Candy, Paris, and Valentine; you should first verify whether your name contains a “front vowel” or a “back vowel.”

Names with front vowels (tongue positioned to the front of the mouth, such as “a” in Matt) are most appealing to women, while back vowels (think “aw” in Paul) were displeasing. For men, results were much the opposite with preferences tending towards back vowel names (Jordan and Rachel), while front vowel names like Katie or Emily got the cold-shoulder.

Linguist Amy Perfors examined name-sexiness by showing pictures of people labeled with different names on the “Hot or Not?” site, and consequently measured how attractive strangers thought they were (as determined by ratings).

If you’re a Katie or Paul out there now feeling like a hideous ogre, don’t despair. Perfors’ name-game was carried out using the same picture of a person and how their name influenced their own desirability – ignoring that the person’s appearance formed the basis of the ratings to begin with. As stated by Perfors, “An attractive person with a bad vowel name is still more attractive than an unattractive person with a good vowel name.” This explains why celebrities such as Nicole Kidman and Kate Beckinsale (both front-vowel first namers) are still not considered ugly.

So unless whoever you’re dating is blind, or has a vowel fetish -hey, never underestimate the importance of tongue-positioning! – rest assured, this study should not in anyway influence your sex appeal.

links:
newscientist
bbc

"Having a pump is like having sex. I train two, sometimes three times a day. Each time I get a pump. It's great. I feel like I'm coming all day."

illustration for Redlight by Georgie

I remember discovering this position for the first time on a hot summer day in high school. While I should have been in Math class, my nervous teenage boyfriend clumsily tried to convince me that this was the only way we could do “it” in the tiny back seat of his Irok-Z. Now, if marijuana is considered to be the gateway drug, then perhaps it can be said that “Doggy style” is the gateway sex position, opening up a world of possibilities and exploration. As a budding sex kitten, I decided to say my farewell to missionary position, and took an inaugural step into the world of kinky sex. As I bent over with forearms on the leather interior, I presented him with two very clear choices. Perhaps that is one reason why this classic is still a favorite.

Let us take a closer look at Doggy style...a.k.a. Union of the cow, Levrette, Pecorina. Coitus more ferarum (sex in the manner of beasts). You know the drill. She bends over on all fours, and he puts his Tab A into her Slot B from behind. This positioning provides sturdy, deep, tight penetration, as well as great G-spot stimulation (no the G-spot is not a myth people!) and plenty of control. Some consider the woman to be in a submissive position, but this is not so. Any confident woman can take great command of this position by lifting her knees up a little (think Yoga pose “Downward Facing Dog”) and shifting the weight to her legs. The woman has great control of motion, and can use as little or as much gusto as she prefers, taking rhythm and depth into her own, um… hands. While she’s happily busy, the man has two free hands for which the possibilities are endless. In the style of “Milking the Cow”, one hand is used to squeeze her breasts together while the other is used to stimulate her clitoris. The woman can also reach through her legs, and stimulate him by massaging his testicles, or playing with his perineum (the small region between the testicles and the anus). If SHE is more adventurous, one hand can be used to stimulate her anus which if done properly (i.e. gently, and at her discretion) is very sexy and stimulating. For increased depth, try The Dog with the man standing up, and the woman bent over touching the floor in front of him. And finally, let’s not forget about Slot C! All variations of the Dog can also be taken to a new plateau by changing up the point of entrance. Ultimately, either party can gain control of this versatile position, and the variations are limitless.

So as we prepare for another hectic school year, lets remember those easy breezy dog days of summer, and pay homage to this tried and true favorite "gateway" position. Reinvent it, make it yours, and let me know how you like it.

Thanks,

Eve Z

(Traditional version)

Difficulty: 2/5

Tightness: 3/5

G spot stimulation: 3/5

Clitoral stimulation: 1/5

Turn Ons: brunettes, no make-up (i.e. natural beauty), smarts, modesty, petite

Turn Offs: fake tans, double D's, anyone who looks like Pamela Anderson &/or Britney Spears, poor taste in music

Fav. Sexual Position: Doggy

Fantasy/Fetish: doing it "risky business" movie style

Famous Person to do it with: Sophie Marseau

Horoscope Sign: Sagitarius Chinese Sign: Rooster

About me: smoker, sorta religious, Croatian

Derick

Turn Ons: erotic movies

Turn Offs: unkind/ugly people

Fav. Sexual Position: lying face-down

Fantasy/Fetish: group sex

Famous Person to do it with: Brad

Horoscope Sign: Gemini Chinese Sign:Sheep

About me: homosexual, lots of allergies (i.e chocolate), versatile but prefer bottom

Marisa

Turn Ons: glasses, literacy, eloquence, zeal

Turn Offs: Stilt walking, Self pitying, unibrowed types

Fav. Sexual Position: flying above, tumbling through clowds in sublime sexual union

Fantasy/Fetish: clowns

Famous Person to do it with: James Joyce in his twenties

Horoscope Sign: Gemini Chinese Sign:Tiger

About me: I will serenade you, all the time. I sing badly.

Aaron

Turn ons: Tummies, backs, bellybuttons, short black hair, sweat, light eyes, Eastern Europeen accents, small well shaped boobs, big well shaped boobs

Turn offs: girls with a "great" personality, hair anywhere but head, floppy boobs, big bums, really big legs, Gunts!!

Fav. sexual position: girl on top facing away, girl on couch, kneeling over back, me behind, fun!

Fantasy\Fetish: all fantasies have been satisfied (up to 5 ways that is)

Famous person to do it with: Mandy Moore with short black hair, or Angelina Jolie but only in "Hackers" (short hair)

Horoscope Sign: pisces Chinese Sign: Boar

About me: You're on a "need to know" basis

Mandy

Turn-Ons: brains, backs, accents, hip curvature, quirkiness, teardrop-shaped breast

Turn-Offs: stupidity, BO, jocks, "bacne", cheesy pillow talk, saggy testicles, fat.

Fav. Sexual Position: queen riding horseback (on top facing away version)

Fantasy/Fetish: using a strap-on on him, sticky sex inside a pumpkin

Famous Person to do it with: Johnny Depp/ Fairuza Balk

Horoscope Sign: Libra
Chinese Sign: Rooster

About Me: I "sing and dance" in front of my mirror when he's not home

Giorgio

Turn-ons: intelligence
Turn offs: ditziness

Favourite Sexual Position: depends on the situation

Fantasy/Fetish: to be discovered

Famous Person to do it with: Scarlett Johansson; Winona Ryder

Sign: Gemini
Chinese Sign: The most vicious rabbit you have ever seen

About me: everybody loves an italian boy.

Paul

Turn-ons: nice butt, geeks (or affinity for them), boundless energy.
Turn-offs: ditziness, whining, yelling an ex's name in bed, clinginess.

Fav. Sexual Position: girl on top, doggy style.
Fantasy/Fetish: Light bondage? Sure. School girls? Can be fun. Feet? ehhh .... dunno. Unicorns? No.

Famous Person to do it with: Jennifer Connelly

Horoscope Sign: Virgo Chinese Sign: Pig

About me: computer game addict and geek extraordinaire...love it or hate it kind of thing.

WBAM FM Chicago - Mate Match


On the WBAM FM morning show in Chicago, the DJs play a game where they award winners great prizes. The game is called "Mate Match." The DJs call someone at work and ask if they are married or seriously involved with someone. If the contestant answers yes, he or she is then asked 3 random yet highly personal questions.

The person is also asked to divulge the name of their partner (with phone number) for verification. If their partner answers those same three questions correctly, they both win the prize.

One particular game, however, several months ago made the City of Big Shoulders drop to its knees with laughter and is possibly the funniest thing I've heard yet. Anyway, here's how it all went down:

DJ: "Hey! This is Edgar on WBAM. Have you ever heard of 'Mate Match'?"

Contestant: (laughing) "Yes I have."

DJ: "Great! Then you know we're giving away a trip to Orlando,Florida if you win. What is your name? First only please."

Contestant: "Brian."

DJ: "Brian, are you married or what?"

Brian: "Yes."

DJ: "Yes? Does that mean you're married or you're what?"

Brian: (laughing nervously) "Yes, I am married."



DJ: "Thank you. Now, what is your wife's name? First only please."

Brian: "Sara."

DJ: "Is Sara at work, Brian?"

Brian: "She is gonna kill me."

DJ: "Stay with me here, Brian! Is she at work?"

Brian: (laughing) Yes, she's at work."

DJ: "Okay, first question - when was the last time you had sex?"

Brian: "She is gonna kill me."

DJ: "Brian! Stay with me here!"

Brian: "About 8 o'clock this morning."


DJ: "Atta boy, Brian."

Brian: (laughing sheepishly) "Well..."

DJ: "Question #2 - How long did it last?"

Brian: "About 10 minutes."

DJ: "Wow! You really want that trip, huh? No one would ever have said that if a trip wasn't at stake."

Brian: "Yeah, that trip sure would be nice."

DJ: "Okay. Final question. Where did you have sex at 8 o'clock this morning?"

Brian: (laughing hard) "I, ummm, I, well..."

DJ: "This sounds good, Brian. Where was it at?"

Brian: "Not that it was all that great, but her Mom is staying for a couple of weeks..."

DJ: "Uh huh..."

Brian: "...and the Mother-in-law was in the shower at the Time."

DJ: "Atta boy, Brian."

Brian: "On the kitchen table."

DJ: "Not that great?? That is more adventure than the previous hundred times I've done it. Okay folks, I will put Brian on hold, get his wife's work number and call her up. You listen to this. (3 minutes of commercials follow.)

DJ: "Okay audience, let's call Sarah, shall we?" (touch tones ringing)

Clerk: "Kinkos."

DJ: "Hey, is Sarah around there somewhere?"

Clerk: "This is she."

DJ: "Sarah, this is Edgar with WBAM. We are live on the air right now and I've been talking with

Brian for a couple of hours now."

Sarah: (laughing) "A couple of hours?"

DJ: "Well, a while now. He is on the line with us. Brian knows not to give any answers away or you'll lose. Sooooooo...do you know the rules of 'Mate match'?"

Sarah: "No."

DJ: "Good!"

Brian: (laughing)

Sarah: (laughing) "Brian, what the hell are you up to?"

Brian (laughing) "Just answer his questions honestly, okay? Be completely honest."

DJ: "Yeah yeah yeah. Sure. Now, I will ask you 3 questions, Sarah. If your answers match Brian's answers, then the both of you will be off to Orlando, Florida for 5 days on us. Disney World. Sea World. Tickets to the Magic's game. The whole deal. Get it Sarah?"

Sarah: (laughing) "Yes."

DJ: "All right. When did you last have sex, Sarah?"

Sarah: "Oh God, Brian....uh, this morning before Brian went to work."

DJ: "What time?"

Sarah: "Around 8 this morning."

DJ: "Very good. Next question. How long did it last?"

Sarah: "12, 15 minutes maybe."

DJ: "Hmmmm. That's close enough. I am sure she is trying to protect his manhood. We've got one last question, Sarah. You are one question away from a trip to Florida. Are you ready?"

Sarah: (laughing) "Yes."

DJ: "Where did you have it?"

Sarah: "OH MY GOD, BRIAN!! You didn't tell them that, did you?"

Brian: "Just tell him, honey."

DJ: "What is bothering you so much,Sarah?"

Sarah: "Well, it's just that my Mom is vacationing with us and..."

DJ: "She saw?"


Sarah: "BRIAN?!"

Brian: "No, no I didn't..."

DJ: "Ease up there, sister. Just messing' with your head. Your answer, please?"

Sara: "Dear Lord...I cannot believe you told them this."

Brian: "Come on, honey, it's for a free trip to Florida."

DJ: "Let's go, sister. We ain't got all day here. Where did you do it?"

Sarah: (short pause) "In the ass."
(long, long pause)


DJ: "We'll be right back after a word from our sponsors."

We have no idea who this woman is, but she does understand one thing very good. If you want to make an impression on television, you have to get the attention of the people who hold the remote control. And who is generally the one with that thing? Right, a man. And how do you get attention from men?rrrright..

The McGill Sex Magazine

coming soon...