Meet Ceasar
Considering that the nicest automobiles in the world are also the most expensive, it doesn't surprise me that the best personal pleasure machine ever produced is also one of the most expensive! I've not heard of too many complaints from the owners of a Rolls Royce and the same goes for the Caesar Machine. Some things are just worth the cost.-Richard Rain Owner Roman Industries, Patent Holder of Caesar Machine
Natural-looking huge penis at the end of a long metallic stick (not very esthetic, but serves the purpose). The stick can be fixed at the end of your bed. You have a remote control that allows you to pick the strength and the frequency of thrusts.
It’s not bitter Julie-who’s-been-getting-the-worse-sex-of-her-life-lately who’s speaking. Sounds like a bad porn movie? IT IS. (The machine is really on the market)
Title: Sex and the Machine
Director: Jenifer James
Productor: Richard Rain, 2007 (Patent holder of the Machine, remember?)
1hr45min
What you get:
What you do not get:
Sexy Controversy
LeBron James and Gisele Bundchen
The cover has been compared by bloggers and the media to King Kong
Racial and sexual stereotypes? You see what you want to see.
I see a strong, talented and multi-tasking man holding the happiest damsel in distress.
Sweet Fucking Dreams
I want to thank Marilyn Manson for being part of the rawest sex session of my life- the song, not the video.
My friend told me she cuts herself after sex.
I kept thinking about her when I was getting my own sexual healing late tonight. EmotionallyRetardedPartner did not notice. Unzip, come, zip. My phone lost his number.
Euphemism: I am worried about her. If only she could see herself the way I -and everyone- see her.
''I wish I had known as a teenager what I know today about my body; that whatever the shape or size, it's perfect'' (Felicity Huffman)
Summer Camp
Some experts, like Freud, concluded that humans are naturally bisexual. My opinion? You know what turns you on, men, women, horses- no need for a label, be it an identity or just a phase. "Bisexuality doubles your chances of getting a date for Saturday night" -Woody Allen. Whatever, I say Carpe diem.
I, for myself, love men. Actually I love penises. Men... I have yet to find some real ones. However, I find real beauty in women. On Alfred Kinsey’s scale of 0 (exclusively heterosexual) to 6(exclusively homosexual), I am not homosexual, I am not heterosexual. In Kinsey’s words, "The world is not to be divided into sheep and goats." I am sexual, period. Sexuall. I guess that makes me a 3.
So I don't really have a type, penis or vagina, pecs or breasts (although I don't do women with pecs), thin or a little chubby, tall or short, hairy or not (women with body hair, then again, I don't do). Call me nympho, I call myself curious and most of all, appreciative of the human body. The body is beautiful in itself. Sucks for you, I have twice as much variety. And who says I need to pick.
A common belief is that bisexuals cannot be happy when they pick only a man or only a woman. I believe this is wrong. I mean, I'm attracted to brunettes and redheads, but if I date a brunette, I don't also need to have a redhead on the side. Granted, hair color is insignificant compared to penis/vagina, but the comparison fits my point of view.
__
I first knew when I was working in a summer camp with mentally and physically challenged campers. I never learnt so much from two weeks; for one, it gave me the drive to become a doctor, and for two, it got me interested in women. My experience with another counselor lasted three months. She was very feminine, taller, long brown hair, tanned, green eyes, 4 years older. And full breasts. But most of all, it was her voice, the way she walked, the way she looked at me. Her energy. I have a thing for artists. She knew that with every look she got me intrigued to a point when it became unbearable. It was hard to concentrate on giving the best care to our campers when I knew she was staring at me. She told me she was obsessed with checking out my ass. It made me laugh, she would wink at me.
The teasing was very subtle. She knew I had a boyfriend, he actually came all the way from Montreal to visit. She found him very attractive. After the first day, we got very close, we didn't have the same interests except for the urge to help others. And she helped me allright! The weather was perfect. And the evenings. After a couple of midnight swims with other counselors, we started hanging out on the beach just us two. We were naked in the lake, but nothing happened.
On my second night-guard (every night, one of us had to stay with our group of campers) she came to keep me company. **side note: I discovered that mentally challenged individuals have a very healthy sex life. We actually discovered that one of our campers masturbated every night, and seriously I still wonder if she watched porn regularly because the way she moaned… let’s just say if we closed our eyes we would think she was enjoying the best and, hehe, longest sex of a lifetime. I was very happy for her**
So when the last camper fell asleep, she (the counselor, not the camper!) somehow managed to squeeze in with me in my "sleeping" bag. She must have known that I had never been with women. Respectfully but in a determinate manner, she caressed me while we were talking, like if it was what people usually do. It felt right. Then I got to know her tongue and fingers. She got to know mine. She said she needed me.
I offered to do every night guard. The other counselors were in heaven. I was exhausted, but it was worth it. Every night I was eager to know if she would come back. And she did. I needed her. Quickly it was also the mornings. I love to eat, but it was worth skipping breakfast.
When I got back to Montreal, I would come back to visit her every week for the rest of the summer. I had my boyfriend, and we eventually broke up. I was under the impression that some men liked women who like women, but apparently, not him, and seriously, I did not give a fuck.
Since then, I have not really been with other women. I miss her. I have never been attracted to any of my girl friends that I know are heterosexual. I would try out new stuff if I knew that the other girl was up for it too.
All I know is that I am, most of the time, up for doing it with any of my carefully chosen men. I also know that I want to have a family with a man I will love. Although I will never belong to anyone, men know I belong to them. But for now, what really gets me is challenge. Erotic and emotional. And the sky knows that I am not getting any challenge from guys my age. Actually I do, but that guy is my crush and it's a secret. I also have a crush on a girl right now. I love the teasing. I hate men who play hard to get. But women who do keep me awake. What gets me is sensuality, way more than sexuality. I'm not a nympho, I'm bicurious. I’m sitting on the fence And I am free.
Piece of Info
Recent outbreaks have been reported in Nigeria, Benin and Ghana and generally involve the public accusation of penis theft, often following an unwelcome touch from a stranger.
Some cases in Thailand have placed the blame on Vietnamese Communist agents who would have put chemicals in the water (I’m not joking). Minor Koro epidemics have seized parts of Asia, including a well-documented 1967 outbreak in Singapore. Hospitals were inundated. Many resorted to clamps, pegs, and even a constant firm grip from concerned family members (plural??) desperately trying to prevent the member from vanishing. (again, not joking)
RACISM
In Sudan, victims were made to believe by force of suggestion that their penises would melt away after they shook hands, shared a comb, or received a verbal curse. The Sudanese columnist Ja'far Abbas warned visitors to avoid shaking hands with "a dark-skinned man" or else…
MEDICAL OPINION
Obviously, doctors find that there is no actual shrinkage; any actual damage arises from overly zealous attempts at preventing retraction. Medical response is to inform patients that the genitals anatomically cannot retract or shrink in the manner feared (yes, even if it is very very small)
In my opinion, this disorder is the result of big fat phallocentrism. If Freud came across this, he would probably relate/blame the ‘theft’ on his theory of the female unfulfillable (without technology, that is) desire to own a phallus. (I won’t start commenting on that theory…!)
Definitely, a man without a penis is not a man. Though I am far from saying that owning a penis makes you a man. Mmm... let's see, brains? It's a good thing that there are no disorders that make men think they physically lost their head. But then again, you can't lose what you don't have. And when they do have brains, it's not always a conscious ownership. How often do men self-stimulate their brains? whereas their penis...
I understand trying to hold on to your valued possessions. However, in areas where Koro occurs, this phallocentric energy needs to be invested somewhere else, maybe... sex education.
Also, I definitely believe that this type of anxiety is contagious. For example, if you know that this syndrome exists, you might be more prone to 'getting it'. So sorry.
Details...
Let’s just say I really don’t need my condoms to be lubricated these days. And, like, it causes problems with my recent fucks. I guess I shouldn’t complain, usually women get the opposite. All I know is that I REALLY CANNOT picture myself old and dry.
Quoted advice from (un?)trustworthy website.
Anything that dries up the mouth. In general, if it dries the mouth, then it will also affect the vagina somewhat. Examples would be decongestants, antihistamines, cold formulas, certain antidepressants, alcohol, cigarettes, & marijuana. While these may work to some degree, wetness & corresponding tightness levels are not controllable, not to mention that a dry mouth is
not as tasty during kissing & is more conductive to bad breath due to lack of saliva. (BAHAHAHA)Use of a fan blowing on the genital area. Not a practical solution, as it primarily results in making the couple cold, while having little impact on internal vaginal secretions.
(Once again, BAHAHAHA)
Insert a sponge or cloth. One of the more embarrassing techniques as it must be done intermittently. Couples find this a big turn off. The technique though, is to wrap a thin sheet/towel around a couple of fingers. Insert the fingers to soak up vaginal wetness. Proceed with intercourse. Repeat as necessary. While this method does work, re-entry of vagina is difficult & painful because this method absorbs ALL the lubrication. Within a few minutes however, as arousal increases again, there will once again be too much wetness. With this method, there is no way of controlling the desired level of wetness & tightness.
(Ok I assure you, my despair level is like... below zero compared to these women)
Oh aaaaaand the website says that Whatever option I choose, I should look for a solution that is satisfactory for both partners. Finding the right level of lubrication can lead to more frequent sex, and a closer relationship between partners
It's sexy time. NOT
Head Classes?
Why there should be head classes.
Blowjobs are automatically female task (in heterosexual encounters) as much as cooking was in the 40s. However, it does not mean it diminishes female status. It gives them power. Hold back food from your guy and see what he’ll do for you. Hold back head from your guy and see what he’ll do for you. And then offer Great Head or serve Delicious Meatball spaghetti, and see where it brings you. I know my Canard aux Olives got me out of the kitchen many times.
So why not learn to do it well. I personally hate it when people fake that they like a present, or pretend to enjoy your overcooked pasta... and I do think that most polite guys would pretend the blowjob is good if you're really into it (and maybe that's the problem). Some people are born with a talent, and others, well, don’t own restaurants and have to learn. Yeah there’s blowjob, like there’s spaghetti. But there is also MindBlowing blowjobs as much as there is Grandma’s Authentic spaghetti sauce. And don’t let anyone fool you into thinking that Grandma’s sauce is exclusive (hehe) and can't be shared and taught.
Logistics
10 females students and one teacher, plus lucky *volunteers* to work on. I don’t know who I would trust to teach me head, but all I know is that the volunteers’ advice will be valuable – once they get back their ability to speak. I am well aware that this sounds like a really bad porn scenario, sorry.
Why this is not denigrating
- I’m not saying every guy deserves great head. I’m not saying guys should not also be experts at cooking/oral sex. Knowing how to cook does not mean you have to cook everyday. And chefs go to the restaurant too…
-Exactly like for the choice of a partner, I think we should never settle down for less than the best.
-Just the satisfaction of knowing you cook like a chef is enough, even without lucky people to try out your tasty dishes.
-I really think you do it for yourself (don’t call me narcissistic!), and you are very generous at the same time.
-Where it gets you is usually far from denigrating.
Anyway… Hard Penises without head don’t exactly overpopulate someone's (aka... a good friend of mine's) bedroom these days.
Dorky and Asexual
Funny how every ‘dorky-and-asexual’ day I plan during midterm season (to study more, obviously, not for some sick twisted self-destructive reason) turns out not to be asexual.
I should give more details, but really, my books want me back. All I can say is, if you’re too busy for sex, you’re too busy to pee. Dorky and asexual days are the best
I, The Gympho
Yeaya I got for the health benefits, to feel happy inside and out.
Aaaaand, for The eye-fuckers: make me feel like I'm standing naked just with a quick look. And somehow it feels great. The fuckables: I undress them with a quick look and am always very satisfied. The blasés; I don’t even get a look, and that makes me stare even more. Oh and also the personal trainers- you know they’ve worked out with more than one woman.
You also have the potentials friends, for example, yesterday, the gay guy on the spinner who’s in top shape and is bored even though he’s at max speed/max resistance: gossips about the magazine he’s reading. So friendly. Twice the new friend’s size: the Ginos. Everytime I go, I feel they got bigger. Now, I know some girls like to feel safe around their man. But for certain (other) parts of the body, bigger is not better. When I could fit two (very-healthy-sized) thighs of mine in one of your arms… you might want to stop spending your weekly check on Weigh And Egg Weightgainers. And finally, the sweaters: almost make me feel guilty of not sweating the 45% of water my body is made from. Dude it’s called an antiperspirant and most importantly, deodorant. I still like watching them though! I dunno, it’s just totally addictive. Oh and by the way, I also work out while at the gym.
Bonus: tips for gymers *I love it when guys look like they don’t really care how they look- guys and sweat pants… worth sweating. *Stop staring at girls wearing skanky 'gym clothes'. They know they’re hot.*It’s not because you stopped staring at the skanky girls that you get to stare at yourself in the mirror for like…so long you forgot when was the last time you blinked. *Beware of the geeeerms
I wish my gym crushes actually led to some actual working out, you know, if only I could stop staring and actually do something. maaaaah the only thing I don't work out at the gym is my brains. I don't mind
Lust, Caution
Ang Lee’s Lust, Caution is the most powerful movie I have seen in a long time. To be direct; I don’t know what was wetter, my shirt sleeve (from crying) or my underwear.No but seriously, Ang Lee has a subtlety that makes everything sensual, as delicate as provocative in this controversial tale of wartime espionage. Lust, Caution is set in the early 1940s during the Sino-Japanese war, mostly in Japanese-occupied Shanghai. The heroine belongs to a university drama troupe plotting to assassinate a collaborator. Assigned to seduce the target, an official in the puppet government, she falls into an oh-so predictable-yet-addictive affair.
The politics are fascinating; the music is enveloping and delicate. Suspicion is enhanced by passion, and vice versa. Til this day I had never been scandalized and turned on at the same time. It made me feel like my sex life used to be a desert compared to this (and it’s not for lack of activity). And it made me remember I have a heart.
And no the movie is not all sex, the scenes might make only 5% of the time. But you remember them. The positions could not be worded, yet everything seemed natural and oh-so-worth of trying if only I could figure out where the legs went. Raw yet tender. The lovers seemed to know each other inside out yet seemed to be discovering something nirvanously new every time. It made me want to be the girl. It made me want to be the guy. I just so wanted to be part of it, not only the sexual part, but also the political activism, in place, in time. I wish I also had something to die for; country, love.
All I can say is, the movie made me want to act, and now. Yet I’m here writing.
Girls Are Totally Deeper
Memorable quotes from my girl friends
Ja: - Nah Jules, there’s no such thing as too much sex. But there IS such a thing as too much bad sex.
- I would never have known if he was well-endowed or not, I had nothing to compare The Thing to- but he just couldn’t stop complaining about it.
N: - I don’t want to become a doctor, I want to be a veterinarian. At least animals don’t pretend they’re monogamous.
- You should try older men.
G: Nice guys finish last.
L: whoooooa you’re friends with THE Sex-Symbol?
V: My advice is priceless. I used to be a nympho.
S: The difference between ‘just liking’ a guy and liiiiking a guy: you picture yourself having sex with him.
A: - Bed, Sleep? Not with my man. Na, we don’t do sleeping. I do Nutella though
C: - Boys are just something you don’t want to share. I never shared toys as a kid. Like, my lollipop belongs in own mouth. Know what I mean?
- I hate to see you cry. Get laid, do something!
- Don’t worry, you can’t be everybody’s type. I’m sure he’d do you if you paid him.
- Can you believe Boytoy and I went to the restaurant? I totally managed to keep my clothes on for the length of the whole dinner.
- Spring break, finally. I’ll manage to get some sex done.
K: I’m not really missing out on anything, am I?
Ip: I wish you were a guy
anyway, I so get bisexuality.
Some Guys Are Just Deep
Memorable quotes from my guy friends. What would I do without you?
F : a woman wearing underwear is sexier than naked; the suspense makes you want it more.
W: - nice guys finish last
- guys are all bananas (see previous post)
- one is good, two is great
- I can picture you with three breasts.
C: I have one-gina syndrome
A: - next one on to-do list: ‘une européenne’
- I don’t really know what a cute butt looks like.
V: - I don’t care if you put on weight, it’ll just make more of you. (yeah the guy was in love)
O: - It's totally obvious when girls wear padded bras.
J: - nah, clothes just don’t do you good.
- I’m stuck here with [penis’ private name] with nothing better to do than play Scrabble. We both miss you.
M: - Would you love me if I didn’t have a penis?
I'm laughing alone in front of my computer.
Much love
Public Apology
if you haven’t read my previous posts: in a few words, the sex has been… not happening because the partner’s instrument was not hard enough.
Hello BabyCarrot,
There is something you should know about me. Until 2008, I lived in a cucumber field. You know, where the stuff is hard on the outside, hard on the inside, always ready for appreciation (have you ever had a cucumber that doesn’t taste ready? I haven’t) and uhm, well, geometrically interesting. And then I met you, BabyCarrot. Or should I say BabyBanana? is there something softer than a banana?
A wise friend of mine enlightened me today-
W: Jules, cupcake, we’re all bananas. It takes more than a kiss to be ripe and ready.
J: Nah, Honey, I think you should only speak for yourself and all other (ethnicity that I won’t name)
W: Actually, cupcake, it’s probably because your cucumber plantation were all uh, what do you call them… (scratches his head) VIRGINS. Virgins get hard like… sitting on a bus.
J: Nooooo you did not just throw that in my face
And then W-the-wise informed me that I looked deliciously Tomato-like. And a lazy one at that. Fine, BabyCarrot/Banana-would-be-Eggplant-if-I-weren’t-so-lazy-and-impatient. I sincerely apologize, and rrrrrrr (scratch my head, nose, right ankle, look elsewhere) I miss you.
Looking forward to not being lazy with you,
J.
TOOTHED CONDOMS take a bite out of crime
Pros:
- available in all sizes
- costs just a little more than a regular condom
- the rapist cannot see that it is worn
- reduces the chances of a woman falling pregnant or contracting sexually transmitted diseases
- when the female wants to have sex, can be removed the same way it was applied: like a tampon
Cons:
- the rapist might still kill the victim, however, the pain down there should refrain to think of anything else
- can be used outside of real purpose; as a vengeance, say… against an ex-bf (no, this does not belong under pros)
Critics say the device is medieval, vengeful and barbaric-
I believe rapists should be identified, if not punished. "[It's] a medieval device for a medieval deed." And don’t give me the evolutionist argument that men are biologically engineered to spread the seed. I call it Your Right Hand, and use it.
For more info:http://www.rapestop.net/
Sex, Lies and Casper tapes
HEADLINE BOSTON GLOBE
Yale sophomore arraigned in case
How in the world we missed this story is beyond us. But more pertinently, how can anyone named CASPER be bad? Well you can judge for yourself, although our first impression at least from the photo and the initial storyline is "..much ado about nothing.." We are still trying to obtain HER side of the story, since the assumption is that she filed the compaint in the first place. How long before we see more copycat cases like this from those craving 15minutes of fame? YAWN..
NEW HAVEN, Conn. by Associated Press- A Yale sophomore is facing criminal charges, including voyeurism, after showing his four roommates a video of himself and his former girlfriend having sex, according to an arrest warrant.
Casper Desfeux, a Copenhagen native and sophomore who lived in Davenport dorm, told police he recorded the incident without the woman's knowledge using a camera on his Apple MacBook, according to the arrest warrant affidavit. The woman, who is also a Yale student, found out about the video from one of Desfeux's roommates, according to police.
Desfeux, 20, said he activated the camera because he just "wanted to see if it worked," according to police. Police say the woman brought the charges to prevent the sexually explicit video footage from being disseminated around the university or on the Internet.
Desfeux was arraigned yesterday in Superior Court on voyeurism and dissemination of voyeuristic materials, officials said.
"This is a misunderstanding involving two young college students," said his attorney, William Dow III. "There was absolutely no distribution of anything on the Internet. We're confident this will be resolved to the satisfaction of all parties."
Desfeux told Yale police he never sent the video to anyone because, at 45 minutes, it was too lengthy to process. He also said he did not make still photos from it. Yale police have seized the laptop, camera, and other items, which are being held until they can be delivered to the State Police forensic laboratory for examination, according to the affidavit.
and we thought Vanier was vanilla...
February 13, 2008 -- The kinky college professor who was almost strangled during an S&M session at a NewYork city club said yesterday he's deeply ashamed and is finally through with the double life he's lived since he was kid.
"I don't want this to spoil my marriage," said Robert Benjamin, 67, still disoriented from the three days he spent in a coma but sitting upright in a chair in his room at St. Vincent's Hospital.
"I don't want my wife to leave me, but I have to tell her the truth," he said. "I'm going to share everything with her. I think my family will forgive me,"
Benjamin said he's desperately trying to break his addiction.
"It's like when you crave a turkey," he said. "You eat it and you eat it and you eat it, but you still want it. But now I've had enough. I don't want turkey anymore. I'm full."
His life was saved last Friday by a dominatrix at the Nutcracker Suite on East 33rd Street, who was assigned to check on him after her colleague left him with a dog collar around his neck and a leather mask over his face, suspended a few inches off the floor.
She realized his foot was turning blue because one of his high heels had slipped off.
"I don't want to go to the clubs anymore," Benjamin said.
"I'm trying to learn to control myself and my emotions. I've seen doctors to help me," he said, adding that he's been unable to control his desires "from very early on in my life."
Benjamin managed to keep his shameful secret from his wife, his two kids, who are now adults, and the students he taught at Montreal's Vanier College until his recent retirement.
He never indulged his "dirty habit" in Montreal, where he fooled relatives, neighbors and colleagues into thinking he was a respectable family man who enjoyed outdoor activities.
Benjamin would make regular trips to New York where he'd stay at a "Y" and spend his time indoors. He'd tell his family he was cross-country skiing upstate, then visiting the city "to take photographs" and eat pizza at his favorite Italian restaurants in Brooklyn.
"My biggest fear has always been that someone would find out. That's why I come to New York and never do this in Montreal," he said.
Hours later, Benjamin's wife, Lynn, arrived at the hospital from Canada, but declined to comment. Benjamin, who came out of a coma Monday and is still recovering from his ordeal, struggled to remember numbers and dates, but guessed he's been married for "30 years or more."
He does not remember putting on the handcuffs, nipple clamps, dog collar, high-heel shoes or hood, vowing "I'm going to seek professional help to get over this dirty habit."
"The doctors told me I was passed out, but now I'm awake. They saved me, they gave me the confidence that I will be OK."
Benjamin attributes his recovery to his excellent physical health.
"I'm in really good shape," he said. "I bike, I ski, I take care of myself."
He vowed never again to risk his life during his retirement, saying he's relaxing, enjoying his time and "doing all the things I never had the chance to do.
"Now that I've almost died, I can't see myself going back to S&M," he said. "If you gave me $100,000 to spend there, I wouldn't. I'm not crazy."
Taki Noriko, the dominatrix who trussed up Benjamin and left him alone - as he'd requested - was relieved to hear of his recovery.
"Thank you," she said, with a long sigh. "Thank you very much for telling me."
Make Love Not War
The Magician
Most of my clients are just regular guys that are either unlucky in love or have partners that can't satisfy their every desire.
Some of these desires are sometimes out of the ordinary.
In comes the Magician. He comes into my chatroom and asks me to put on pants and high heels. I had never seen him around before. He has money in his account so I do as he says. He takes me to private show.
There, he asks me to zoom my webcam on my legs so that he can only see my legs from my knees to the tip of my heels. He tells me he's a magician and I'm his assistant. I'm in a box about to be sawed in half. He asks me to move my feet very quickly, as if I'm pressing the pedals in a car.
He goes on to describe a huge scenario: He cuts me in half, shows my two separate body parts to the audience. He has apprentices, with knives. They cut me into many little pieces. All the while I'm screaming "NO, STOP PLEASE.. DON'T CUT ME. AHHHH IT HURTS. HEEEEELP". He asks me to scream louder.
He's typing a lot so I doubt he's pleasuring himself.
The camera isn't on my face so I often start to laugh when he types something. I also feel a tad bit ridiculous having the entire studio hear me beg not to be cut into a million pieces by a chainsaw.
These shows last about 20 minutes and sometimes longer. He sometimes goes on to feed my pieces to outdoors parties of cannibals. I have to keep screaming and begging the cannibals not to eat me. He's tied me to a tree to cut me once. Last time, after the "magic show" he auctioned off my bottom half to the highest bidder, who was of course... a cannibal.
"PLEASE DON'T SELL ME TO THE CANNIBAL, PLEASE PUT ME BACK TOGETHER, AAAHHHH IT HUUUUUURTS, HEEEEELP"
Eventually, he won't type for a bit as I continue to kick my feet and scream. He will then type a thank you, see you later, you're the best at this then disconnect.
He's a repeat customer. Always the same theme, just slightly different scenarios.
I'd love to ask him the whys and the hows of this fantasy, maybe he's a sadist that likes to hear girls pretending to be tortured. Does he practice magic in real life? Does he cum from this? Usually the clients tell me when they're about to cum. Or right after. Or I see/hear it if they have a cam or mic.
So there you have it. He's a bit eccentric but the feet kicking in the air for 20minutes is a great ab workout. Who wouldn't mind getting paid to workout a bit?
Next time: my first girl-girl photo/video shoots!
Freeballing It
After Britney’s scandalicious vajayjay all’aperto episode, freeballing lost the classiness it once had (think Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct). No comment, except that I empathize with trying to avoid The VPL – Visible Panty Line.The origins of the word are open to speculation; some say it might refer to being "out in the open" or "ready for action." It might also be linked with the Scotish heritage of the kilt; the first Commando units were trained in Scotland during WWII. As for the British Forces, 'going commando' refers to not washing and lacking hygiene in general (well, more than usual guys do) as Royal Marine Commandos have a reputation when on duty.
Pros: avoids the VPL. Can be very comfortable if you don’t have the bladder of a 68-year-old. Although I doubt that it procures the same type of sexual liberation as the Burn Bras movement. Plus, according to my good friend Wiki, tight underwear decreases sperm count in men. I know you only need one to fill the oven, but don’t let it get to that point!
Cons: Opponents will state health issues - unfounded unless you wear a microskirt in the bus. Also, reasons like ‘If God had wanted men to 'go commando' he wouldn't have invented polycotton with two per cent lycra! When my zip broke once I was glad to have boxers on.' -Comedian Dave Gorman
Dude, I’m all for tighty whities, but I doubt you have enough clean underwear to last til Mom’s next laundry. And the fact that your zipper broke speaks of more urgent issues than the fabric/colour/tightness of your underwear. The mental picture of a guy in a suit going commando goes further for me. Further as in really far.
three things
First, there are no good reasons for a guy not to be hard enough for sex.
yes but can she cook..?
Whether you want to call it robot fetishism, technosexuality, or just perversion, having sex with a robot or a sexual technology device is a fantasy for some. It’s also a solution for those that have trouble convincing a real live human to have sex with them. Whatever the reason, there are a number of robots and robotic products out there that can satisfy sexual desires, and we’ve profiled a number of them here.
Repliee Q1Expo: This “female” android has very human looks and senses. She has high-sensitivity tactile sensors that react to differing pressures, and can follow human movement. Her creators note that some people forget that she is an android while interacting with her. While there is no official report on the existence or absence of sexual organs in the Repliee Q1Expo, you can program the android to simulate movements.
Andy: Andy is very human, with functions like breathing, kissing, and yes, even sex. She can move into any position and will take part in movements. Her body is very realistic, as she has body heat and a heartbeat that pulses faster during sex. You can even install a video system in her eyes and play back encounters from her perspective. The manufacturer custom-makes each Andy model, and offers a variety of upgrades and adaptations.
Moaning Lisa: Moaning Lisa is a sex doll that doubles as an interactive game. To play the game, you have to touch one or more of her sensors to arouse her, but they’re on an unknown pattern of sensitivity, so it’s not always obvious which ones are the best. Ultimately, you win the game when you give her an orgasm.
Japanese Blowjob Machine: This machine certainly doesn’t look humanoid, but it’s designed to get the “job” done. The Japanese Blowjob Machine houses a motor and orifice with different textured interiors.
DER2 Fembot: Kokoro, a division of Sanrio, has created the Actroid DER2 fembot, which delivers expressions in a lifelike manner. She’s controlled by pneumatic pressure in her limbs, torso, and face, and her movements can be choreographed. The fembot is not for sale, but can be rented for 5 days.
CybOrgasMatrix: This sex doll is anatomically correct and modeled after model Pandora Peaks. She’s supported by an articulated skeleton and covered by a realistic elastomeric gel. This doll’s senses are advanced, so she moves, looks, feels, and even smells real. The CybOrgasMatrix’s robotics offer pelvic thrusting.
Simroid: Simroid is designed for dentist training, but honestly looks more like she was made for oral sex. She has a realistic appearance and human-like behavior, even featuring a gag reflex when objects are inserted too far in her mouth.
DIY Sex Robot: Check out this guide to building a robot for sex, and you’ll be able to customize a sexbot of your very own. Highlights include detailed instructions for senses and programming.
Robosapien: Although not designed for sex, a few creative people have modified the Robosapien to have sex using a dildo.
Rubbot: The Rubbot is a male sex machine. Essentially, it offers hands-free masturbation using “inch worm” technology.
Roboho: The Roboho is not a robot you can have sex with in real life, but that shouldn’t deter you from becoming her Cyber Pimp. In this game, you’ll configure a sexbot, guide her to high paying clients, and expand your harem of robotic prostitutes.
Alpha the Mechanical Man: In the 1930s, San Diego created a number of exhibits, one of which was Alpha the Robot. According to stories, this “robot” kidnapped a nudist and the two spent days in an amorous embrace.
Fuckzilla: Showcased at Arse Electronika, Fuckzilla is a “fucking machine” that has attachments including a multi-tongued “Lick a Chick.”
How to: Make Your Own Bionic Babe: Fleshbot offers a loose guide to creating your own sex robot, offering blueprints and other points of inspiration.
Robospanker: The Robospanker is just what it sounds like-a robotic spanking machine. It uses a small motor, trigger device, and spring-loaded paddle to deliver spanks from light to painful.
Robosex: The same people who made the Robospanker have made a sex machine for men. It looks like a footstool, but is made with a plastic cylinder that offers vacuum suction and pumping action.
Dita Von Teese: Burlesque performer Dita Von Teese is a real babe, but she’s done a photoshoot dressed as a robotic pinup. So if you’d like to satisfy a robot fetish, she’s about as realistic as you can get.
Vanessa Fembot: Vanessa, the Fembot from Austin Powers, was once up for auction on eBay. She may be sexy, but be forewarned-her chest is packing heat.
Dion: Dion has a very realistic looking body, but the focus is on her singing and lip motion. She’s lauded as a robot that can sing and look sexy at the same time.
Valerie, the Domestic Android: Valerie has a speech synthesizer and is equipped with proprietary AI software. She can perform visual imitation and learns through rote memory.
Sybian: This autoerotic machine for women is made of a saddle seat and a motor, and can be used with a variety of phallic objects. It’s made of quality construction and offers variable speed and vibration.
Robotech Thruster: This sex machine comes equipped with a high-speed piston and stabilizer. It’s essentially a sleeve with external thrusting controls, and you can mount it on a tabletop or similar surface.
Sexbot V2.0: Like Dita Von Teese, this robot is a real live human, but presents an option for satisfying a fantasy. Sometime in the summer of 2005, this “Sexbot V2.0″ offered free robot sex on the side of the road. There’s no word on what happened to the 1.0 version.
Zoltan’s Robot Girlfriend: This guy has cooked up his own robot girlfriend using a combination of a chatbot, teledonic device, and a sex doll. He can talk and type with her in English, and perform sexual acts simultaneously with her life-sized body. On his site, you can get instructions for building a robot girlfriend or boyfriend of your own.
Deep Throat: This “robot vagina” is billed as a device that will do “everything you wished your girlfriend would do,” offering a deep sucking sensation, slurping sounds, and vibrations that rival a real deep throat experience.
I LIKE SOFT - or Bonus: College Girl Fantasies
I went to ‘La Maison de La Presse Internationale’ where they probably sell every magazine you can think of. Under ‘Intérêts féminins’ I found none of my interests. I mean, fashion, gossips, bloating relief, gardening?! No need to add that I had to go under ‘Intérêts masculins’. I should specify that under that section there was only porn. I chose February’s Playboy+ Bonus! Free magazine- College Girl Fantasies.
Let me start with bahahahahahaha. Sorry. The bonus magazine starts with a short paragraph: ‘‘You’re invited to take an uncensored look blabla as the sexiest coeds in college reveal their most erotic, most intimate fantasies blabla you’ll uncover the secret desires that turn on these sexy girls’'. Fine, show me. Fantasies include: posing naked next to sports trophies, riding a bike without hands (hands are busy holding breasts), posing while reading a book and unbuttoning her already unbuttoned shirt (hands are free since the book is on a shelf), posing with a schoolbag, posing with a stethoscope, naked bowling (rear view, of course), splashing water on herself, tying shoes while naked (again, rear view).
- Mmm sorry is this Bonus! Dirty Old (Male) Gym Teacher Fantasies?
- No, College Girl, this is Bonus! Free magazine- College Girl Fantasies.
- Oh sorry, my bad, it’s just that there would be a little less women in this bonus feature if they were my fantasies.
- Oh, really?
- College girl giggles. This bonus mag is like an old tee-shirt you used to love, but then forgot about. Then The Smell that comes from it makes it impossible to ignore. Giggles again. Whereas my fantasies… well they’re private.
Actual content: Matt McConaughey interview- why doesn’t he get naked? Oh right I found the mag under ‘Intérêts Masculins’. Although the guy is steamy enough to convert lesbians and heterosexual males (ps, I know it doesn’t work that way, please don’t bite). Miss February has nothing special- average blonde Playmate I guess. Mmmm sooo cute interview: ‘‘My mom, dad and sister are the most important people to me’' How I’ll spend my playmate money? ‘‘College tuition’' my basic outlook on life ‘‘Anything is possible with a positive view on your dreams’'. Julie agrees, and thinks Dirty Gym Teacher does too.
In overall, I love the art- it’s funny and has catchy phrases like: ‘‘It makes sense, doesn’t it? I like the hard ones and you like the creamy centers'’ (A couple in bed sharing valentine chocolates, artwork by Kiraz). The Hooter girls… errr well, deserve to be Hooter girls. I also enjoyed the comic strips. Some interviews are really smart. Although I think this mag qualifies as soft right? Well I LIKE SOFT, and I like to read. Still didn’t get off though… next time I’ll try a mag oriented towards gay males. and that way, Creepy Guy From Bus won't read over my shoulder.
Sexiest message ever heard from a computer
Scientology has been attacked. Not just attacked. The hacker cohort known only as Anonymous has published a Youtube video declaring war. Finally some good old fashioned kick the bad guys where it hurts... Anyway, heres the link... its the sexiest message I have ever heard coming from a computer.
On Saturdays- Thou Shalt Rest
my perfect saturday-
9.oo: wake up. If in good mood, sing in shower and dance like no one’s watching
9.3o: healthy light breakfast, including proteins; whatever muscles I have are in for a party today. Coffee + newspapers + smart mag
11.oo: morning jog with iPod newly filled with songs from last night’s dance-til-I-dropped. Mmmm le(s) beau(x) mec(s) de hier soir = hotter than Dominican Republic in august. Run faster.
11.45: quick shower, meet-up with gf for brunch, smart/not too smart talk + dumb mags
2.oo: back on fave couch for catnap
3.oo: meet up work-out buddy at gym. Whoa my eyes are happy too-
5.00: While I’m hungry (stomach that is), grocery shopping for what my body does best: show appetite (not just stomach wise- read on). Buy wine, red and white, since I’m cooking many courses and that I won’t plan them according to wine color.
6.oo: prepare delicious dinner while humming because obviously in good mood. Set aside. Call family to say Hi.
7.oo: dress up pretty for the sake of feeling pretty. go to movies/opera/play preferably alone/ try out Anal Sex Porn if previously challenged by some Blog-reader.
9.3o: invite Sexual partner over for previously prepared dinner since I have a heart
11.oo kick him out coz I need my space. Write emo stuff in diary about previous movie/opera/play/porn and how it changed my perception of life/or not while listening to jazz with hot chocolate+baileys in bathtub. Yup still alone. And no, no rose petals in the water. And no, no second girl. I’m writing, remember?- busy hands.
12.oo: continue writing/dozing off on couch with chocolate and Port + daily waste of time on the Internet
12.3o: call Sexual partner now that he is done digesting and has brushed his teeth/taken a shower/has napped. Politely offer a drink. Then do what we do best.
2.3o leave me alone dude, yes the movie/opera/play was life-changing, no I don’t wanna talk about it/ show you the new moves I learned from the porn. no I don’t wanna cuddle for another half-second, I wanna sleep. And if you HAVE to stay over, please brush your teeth and be gone before I wake up. Oh and no I don’t mind your presence. And no don’t take that as a heads-up to continue gazing at me like I’m the holder of the last female genitals on earth. Geeeez. Endorphins.
9.oo: wake up to find out that nice-boi got home. If last night’s business was whoa (which it obviously was, or else I wouldn’t have called in the first place) Call him back now that he has showered/brushed is teeth/changed his underwear. Offer breakfast since I have a heart.
10.3o: morning jog, alone.
Although yup, my day wouldn’t be the same if I didn’t know I have the option of calling for some good time with Sexual partner- who might get an upgrade and get called by his first name. I don’t have commitment issues, I just don’t do relationships. To me, relationships are a concept as alien and disconcerting as a colonoscopy. and It’s not coz I only have one pair of feet that I’ll only own one pair of shoes- know what I'm sayin?
To quote Woody Allen: ''Love is the answer- but while you’re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.'' and I certainly love to think-
There is no such thing as a FFF – Fun Friend Forever
#1: Word it out. You’re in it for the sex right? So why not ask for exactly what you want. I would love to advise you to be patient until he gets to know your every desire, but really, why wait? Spare the rituals of romance.
#2: Remember, videotapes are forever. So enjoy the present, or cherish the memories, but no tapes.
#3: ‘This has never happened to me before’ Unfortunate disabilities? Fine, unfamiliarities and the predictable effects of one-too-many drinks. He messes up the second chance? Remember, you’re not doing charity. Who cares if he praises your world-rocking orgasm-precipitating abilities, or pretends you’re too tight (let’s not get into the one-size fits all talk) nothing changes the fact that you did not get the time to acknowledge the act had begun. Jamais deux sans trois, so, Next! Although great sex or not, polite ‘‘Goodnight’’ chat is always in order.
#4 :Je ne reprendrai pas mon suçon si quelqu’un l’a liché. Translation : who would want to share her lollipop? I’d rather the guy would not sleep around, or at least, not tell me about it. Call me old-fashioned, but I’d rather have only one FF if he proves worth it.
#5: Shop after you drop. You won’t find yourself actively looking for replacement unless you’re not satisfied. And if so, then drop, now. Broken toy, next! There is no worse thing than bad sex. I’d rather have no sex. And that’s saying a lot.
#6 The F-word. Feelings. It is mean to pretend not to notice his sheepish-admiring gaze with the pretext that ‘the L-word has not been worded out’. Mmm geez… maybe because you guys never got to talking anyways. Best weapon against undesired lovey-dovey pillow talk: honesty from day 1. And you have the right to change your mind, as long as you’re honest with yourself first.
a) Are you willing to make the big step towards a relationship? Beware of mistaking sexual chemistry/infatuation with love. I mean, great sex sends endorphins just as much as love does, and why not have both, but is he/she actually worth it?
b) Feelings in the way? Time to have a look around.
There is no such thing as a Fun Friend Forever. Either upgrade or scratch off. Honestly, I think feelings always end up knocking at the bedroom door/car door/bathroom door...
Autodidactive Intro to porn- Or the quest for enjoyable porn
Sex has nothing to do with moderation -Thinking there was no such thing as too much sex, I rented three movies. Tant qu’à le faire, on va le faire pour vrai! Turns out, there is such a thing as too much sex – bad sex. I chose the first movie on the basis that it was produced by a woman (there’s this myth that woman-produced porn is more enjoyable for women). Title: Sophia (read: nympho who calls herself a feminist). Isn't Sophia such a pornish name anyway? I bet I couldn't find even one that's titled Julie. Or even a character called Julie. Moving on: memorable pseudo-feministic quote I managed to write down before the F*-word-abusing starts: ‘‘I’m a woman in a man’s world, but I make the rules; men, women, sex, it’s all mine for the taking and I take it.’’ And the rest of the dialog is drowned with: ‘‘ooooh F*’s, don’t F*ing stop’s and ‘give me that F* cock’s’’ you get the point, and moaning. I thought I knew moaning, but now I know moaning. I thought presumably-dominant-Sophia was orgasming every second of the (long) way until she actually had an orgasm. Other wanabe-feministic sexual practices included: being splashed in the face with sperm and enjoying it like an insulin-deprived fat kid would feast on cake. Also included: savage-looking horse-riding extraordinarily-well-endowed and proportionally-sperm-producing unclean-looking latino, submissive secretary, submissive pool-girl, oh and a hold-your-breath-beginning-of-threesome which actually turns into some more sperm-splash. So much for woman-produced porn. Tip #1: keep your volume remote-control close – k
eep your fast-forwarding remote-control closer. F*!Second movie’s title: Sexy Magical Girl. An anime/manga. A lot easier on the ears. Sailormoon meets Godzilla. In a rather… juicy way. The movie was a lot of fun, my friend and I laughed the whole time, so I guess it defeats the purpose of getting turned on. I recommend this type of porn to everyone, guaranteed good time. Sneak peaks: juice, breakfast sausages and teddy bears. Not too clichéd though.
Third movie: Fantasmes de femmes. Bad title. Tip #2: do not choose the movie according to the title. You think you know what you’re getting yourself into, but you’re not. Unless it’s as self-explanatory as ‘Pregnant Animals gone wild’ and then again, wild is a pretty vague word. I recommend this movie if what gets you off is fruits and pretty dresses, or clichés like ‘La première fois’. I would retitle it to ‘Fantasmes de Prudes’. Except for a scene involving a threesome. Handsome European-looking men, although I recognized the principal male actor as the latino from the very American Sophia. Versatile actor but same urge to fast-forward.
I refuse to settle down with Anime porn, which means the trial-an-error quest to enjoyable not-too-pornish porn only begins. Any suggestions?
Shower Sex
Often I see shower sex in film and on t.v. I was wondering if this works for anyone. Stories that I have found from people seem to point towards fear of slipping and difficulty with respect to mechanics. Anyone experienced in this field? Care to share your mistakes or even a success?
Lets get intimate v.03
Whats your fantasy?
fan·ta·sy [fan-tuh-see, -zee] –noun
tə| 1. | imagination, esp. when extravagant and unrestrained. |
| 2. | the forming of mental images, esp. wondrous or strange fancies; imaginative conceptualizing. |
Handcuffs? Dominatrix? School girl?
The list goes on! Tell me your fantasies!
Lets get intimate V.2
What are your thoughts on breast implants? Out of fashion?
From the Msnbc Website here is a time line of breast augmentation.
(original source)
Film Sex Part I: Has the Liberal "Left" left?
Golden Globe nominee “Juno” starring Ellen Page has something in common with box office hit “Knocked Up” starring Seth Rogen and it's not the fact that Rogen played with Page's co-star Michael Cera in this year's "Superbad." Both films feature unwanted pregnancies in which abortion is closely looked at and then denied. Each produces extremely progressive views of a plethora of social problems and yet when it comes to abortion: neither seems to think it is “right.” At first I thought the industry was pandering to the masses and displaying a more acceptable content, but now I have my doubts. What was once a struggle for a woman’s right over her body is now a victory in the eyes of many. The left has resigned itself to the religious right, but that doesn’t matter because the means to achieve abortion are now in place and therein lies the win. I think the left is currently sitting back and saying, “Shit! Maybe we can explore the benefits of a woman’s choice to keep her child.” So now the left has gone so far around the spectrum it feigns politics of center. Or am I just seeing what I want to see and we are simply facing a more tactful moral right that wants us to give in to pro-life values?
Webkink
I'm sure most of you know what a typical webcam private session consists of. If you don't, it sort of goes like this:
- Client goes online to find the model of his liking
- A bit of sexy chat and questions to find out if the model into the same things he is into.
- Client clicks on "Go to private" button and starts paying, usually 2.25euros/minute on a French site or 6$/minute on an American site.
-Introduction, client will either tell the model what he wants to see or will tell her/him to just "do what pleases her/him"
- Model undresses, dances, moans, masturbates, whatever, until the client reaches orgasms or disconnects due to lack of funds.
But what about atypical webcam sessions?
The Dentist
The Dentist is a special client of mine and some of my coworkers. He demands that the model be dressed in a white blouse, no bra, that she wears latex gloves, surgical mask. He's asked me to tie up my hair and put on my glasses. He wants me to do all of this in free chat. I know he's a heavy spender so I do it. He wants us to assist him in dental procedures. There is usually no nudity and when he first became a client, the shows were not of a sexual nature.
I had heard of him before this first session so I was a bit excited when he first came into my room and made his requests. You get bored of the same old shows, doing the same stuff all the time, so "special" clients keep the job interesting. I put on my little outfit and he took me to a private session.
He told me to get my tools out, obviously I don't have dental tools, so I used my eyeliner pencil and makeup brushes. Dentist then asks me to get my patient ready. I use a huge pillow and propped it up against the wall as if it was sitting. The patient's name is Aurelie Simon, she's Dentist's ex gf that cheated on him. I torture her, give her root canals without anesthesia, I even slap her in the face.
Other times, I'm the patient. All he wants me to do is go up to the webcam, open my mouth very wide, use my two latex covered index fingers to keep it open, then answer questions. He examines my teeth. I'm loving this, I'm getting paid to sit around with my mouth open and let a cyber dude look at my teeth.
Does he get off on this? Who knows. Is he really a dentist? I have no idea. I do know sometimes he does get a bit explicit. He once asked me to lay back , unbutton my blouse (still not showing anything though), keep my white skinny pants on, pry open my mouth with my latexy fingers and move my hips as if he was penetrating me. That's as sexy as it got with Dentist and me.
The last show he's done was with two models at the same time. They webcam together. He made them pretend to be dentist and patient, the dentist was using toys on the patient with one hand, and "dental tools" with the other hand in her mouth. He wanted the dentist to be rough and asked her to slap the patient in the face. I'm assuming she was probably pretending to be Aurelie Simon, the despised ex.
~
The job of a webcam girl seems rather simple. But really, it can get rather complex. We are actresses, mistresses, doms, subs, dancers, singers, therapists, girlfriends and lovers.
In the following weeks, I will be sharing with you some of my most interesting stories regarding the world of livecam and it's users.
lets get intimate
question of the week
Have you ever broken a penis or have had your penis broken?
Tell me your broken penis stories! What happened? How did it happen?
xo
-B.
College Sex Myth: Going Home Alone
One year, shortly before graduation, the mother of a friend came to visit him at college. As they walked across campus after dinner, a young woman he knew stopped to say hello and ask where he was going. "He's going home," his mother snapped. "Alone."
Has it really come to this? Has adult obsession with college sex reached such a pitch that a parent assumes that every cordial conversation will, without his or her intervention, end in frantic intercourse?
Actually, we understand parents' alarm. College today is portrayed almost exclusively as a sexual free-for-all, where undergrad action is effortless and frequent, where randy young things not so much leap into the sack as never leave it in the first place.
Rolling Stone calls it "the booze-fueled culture of the never-ending hookup." In her book "Unhooked," The Washington Post's Laura Sessions Stepp sniffs that hookups are as "common as a cold." Bill O'Reilly airs furtive footage on Fox News of "pure debauchery" at Brown University's annual SexPowerGod party. And of course, in Tom Wolfe's impossible-not-to-cite novel "I Am Charlotte Simmons," set on a campus where sex is in the air -- sorry, where the air is "humid with it! Tumid with it! Lubricated with it! Gorged with it!" -- students practically major in "herky-jerky . . . bang bang bang." One envisions RU-486 available at the dining hall salad bar, next to the croutons.
But as the Class of 2011 settles in on campus this month, we're betting that the students are discovering the cold-shower truth: The type of action they're likely to get is more hanky than panky.
We say this at our own peril. As the editors of IvyGate, a blog that dines out on all that is base and scandalous about the Ivy League, we have written about students and sex once or twice. It's hard not to, when even the smallest incidents get hyped to the max.
This year, two weeks before Valentine's Day, we posted an e-mail that the beleaguered master of a Yale residential college had sent to his charges -- subject line: "Shower Stalls are for Showering" -- asking an unnamed intimate couple to please stop clogging the bathroom drain. Hilarious? Absolutely. (The man has a PhD!) Did we give it a second thought? Nah. Not, that is, until a New Haven newspaper got wind of the professor's plea. And then the Associated Press. And then about 130 news outlets worldwide, including the "Today" show.
It wasn't the first time, obviously, that a campus sex story had been blown out of proportion. Last fall, the New York Daily News ran a thoughtful, nuanced article with the headline "WILD SEX 101: S&M Clubs, Nude Parties, Porn, X-Rated Romps Rule at Columbia." Having gone to Columbia, where we had experience with only the third item on that list, we read eagerly. Had the school really become a "playpen for sexual hijinks" in the months since we'd graduated? By e-mail and instant message, we canvassed some friends for our blog: Forget the kinky part; how often are you having sex at all? Here are some of the responses:
"Once every six months. Columbia is a rough world for single people."
"The average in the engineering school is probably like once a semester."
"Either I missed out or everyone else in college isn't having sex at all."
"Random hookups do happen, but it is probably rare for most students. At night people just go back to their rooms and finish their homework, or maybe heat up a Hot Pocket."
Tantalizing! Having eaten a Hot Pocket or two ourselves, we will vouch that there's a lot more truth to these kids' answers than what you see on CollegeHumor.com. Statistics bear this out. In a 2000 Zogby poll, 40 percent of students nationwide reported that they were not "sexually active" -- a term left vague enough to include everything from kissing to soliciting strangers in a Minneapolis airport men's room. At the country's top schools, the dry spells approach levels not seen since 1930s Dust Bowl Oklahoma. Harvard's health department reported last year that 47 percent of students there said they had not yet had vaginal intercourse. (Numbers not adjusted for homosexuality, apparently.) At the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, a 2001 survey found that only 51 percent of undergrads had lost their virginity; at Princeton the same year, the student body was 44 percent pure.
Parents and other interested parties often confuse having had sex with having sex regularly. One landmark 2000 study found that kids have an average of 10.8 hookups in college. That seems like a lot. But the math works out to only 1.35 hookups per semester -- and remember, some of these incidents are merely make-out sessions. This is what we're getting so worked up about?
More devastating to the idea that everyone is constantly hooking up is the evidence that students hugely overestimate the notches on their classmates' mortarboards. In 2005, a survey of four universities found that while 80 percent of students had had one sex partner or fewer in the previous year, only 22 percent thought that the average number of partners was that low. In a similar survey in 2002, most guessed that three or more was the norm.
Even the MD/PhDs of college nookie -- sex columnists at student newspapers -- often talk the talk rather than walk the walk (of shame). At Yale, prototypical sex-scribe Natalie Krinsky parlayed her "Sex and the (Elm) City" column into a prominent profile in the New York Times and a book deal. "Chloe Does Yale," a peek into "what goes on behind these proper ivy-covered walls," was published in 2005.
Funny thing about that sex column, though: It contained very little sex. Krinsky's topics included first dates, shopping for vibrators and even a saucy question about oral sex, but never explicit material from her own life. Her skills were playing reporter and confidante, not exhibitionist. Krinsky knew that her scandalous material was mostly talk. "You are young, you are hip, you are beautiful, and you are smart," she wrote in one column, a letter to incoming Elis, "and if you're anything like any one of your classmates, you are ready to bonk. You are ready to bonk a lot. Well freshmen, you have come to the wrong place. At Yale, it seems we discuss sex far more than (admittedly) we actually have it. This is essentially the reason for my job. I talk about sex. A lot."
Some people will no doubt be thrilled to hear that college chastity levels remain high. A new book by Wendy Shalit, "Girls Gone Mild," follows up on her 1999 tract, "A Return to Modesty," which argued that the sexual revolution of the 1960s has overshot its original goals of liberation and turned into its own kind of oppression. Instead of feeling empowered, Shalit now writes, young women feel pressured to act "bad" and sexy at increasingly early ages. The solution: good old feminine purity. Not the repressed, Victorian kind but a new, deliberate sort. A student group at Harvard called True Love Revolution has a similar goal: premarital sexual abstinence. The group made headlines earlier this year for merely existing, and commentators -- mostly conservatives -- greeted it as evidence of a backlash against college "hookup culture."
Indeed, chastity is as rampant as ever -- at least at the more privileged schools, where for the most part, it's not intentional. In 2001, David Brooks profiled "The Organization Kid" -- the happy young workaholic who, between hockey practice, a cappella rehearsal, problem sets, SAT tutoring, Model U.N., AIDS research, human genome mapping, clerking for appeals court justices and cutting a debut solo album, has little time for the "character building" that used to occupy university life.
Brooks touches on the social repercussions of this omnivorous lifestyle, such as friends penciling in appointments with one another. But what he doesn't mention is how the hyper-commitment of college life means that kids end up doing everything but "it." For one thing, there's the time factor. As one male friend told us, in response to our query about the Daily News expos¿, "I've kind of got a girl right now, but we're both too busy to actually have sex. I think a lot of people are in my boat, and they deal with it by commoditizing and scheduling time for sexual pleasure as they would a meeting with their adviser."
Improbably, it's a recent comedy -- a movie whose plot turns on vomit, penis art and a fake ID issued to one Mr. McLovin -- that gets it right. Next to "I Am Charlotte Simmons," "Superbad" is nothing less than a documentary of our time. The story of two best friends on the eve of college, it nails how our generation's culture really is based on drinking and hookups -- but also how at the end of the night, even with girls who are eager and boys who score booze, sex remains elusive.
Sometimes it doesn't happen because the guy is uncomfortable; sometimes it's because the girl doesn't like the guy. And sometimes sex does happen for dweebs who've just ridden in a police car, fired a Glock and been punched in the face by a robber. (Okay, that last one may be unique to the movie.) If there's a sequel -- "Superworse"? -- all of these characters will hook up in short order at college, and then every now and then until they graduate.
In other words, they'll be gettin' some. Literally -- some. As in, a medium amount.
mailto:jcbeam@gmail.com
By Christopher Beam and Nick Summers
Christopher Beam and Nick Summers co-founded the blog IvyGate.
